"I sought among them for a man that might set up a hedge, and stand in the gap before me in favor of the land." Ezekiel 22:30

Friday, February 28, 2014

"How would u feel if your child turned out to be gay?"

This post was originally a comment on a facebook thread that began when a friend of mine posted the comment: "Freedom of religion is a farce if it promotes the freedom of intolerance."

I replied to that post with the comment: "Tolerance is a farce if it promotes religious discrimination."

A few comments later, another friend chimes in and asks the question which is the title of the post.

Here is my response...

First of all, let me point out that this is an old, tired, predictable question that people like me who believe in the procreative purpose of sex always get asked of them. Frankly, I'm frustrated that it keeps getting asked, and nearly offended by it (I say "nearly" because I don't really get offended) because those who ask desperately want me to say something bigoted, hateful, and inconsistent with my other beliefs. Well, I'm not going to do that.

So, how would I feel if my child turned out to be gay?

Well, ultimately it doesn't matter how I "feel." Feelings are irrelevant to a discussion of morality. We are obsessed with "feelings" and being "nicey-nice" - it's that whole "everyone gets a trophy so they feel good about themselves" mentality. It's complete crap.

This isn't to say I wouldn't still love my child should he turn out to be homosexual, because I absolutely would love him. But love is not simply an emotion, it is an act of the will. I already love my son beyond expression. (Actually just now I had to step away from typing this in order to clean spit-up off my 4-month-old's face and hands. If you want to know what love is, that's it ;)) However, "love" is not blindly supporting everything that someone does. Should my son go commit murder, I would still love him, but I would not condone or support the action. If you understand love at all, it is not blind acquiescence. Love means you want the best for the other person, and sometimes love requires a little toughness; a little tough love. Their feelings ultimately don't matter.

This also applies to his sexuality. Just as how I would "feel" doesn't matter, neither does his sexual identity matter when it comes to his dignity and worth as a human being. As humans, our sexuality should never define us. I don't go around telling people I'm heterosexual; that's not my identity. I'm a Catholic first and foremost. I'm also a husband, a father, a son, a brother. Those are my identities. Catholics never want people to be identified by mere temporal qualities. All this means that I want Robert and all my (God-willing) future children to live a life trying to follow the will of Christ. So long as they do that, who am I to judge? (sound familiar?)

That does not mean if my child has homosexual tendencies that I would support and encourage him to act on those homosexual tendencies, because I would not, just as I would never encourage my child to act on his heterosexual tendencies improperly. Homosexual actions are no different than any other sexual action that is not part of a unitive and procreative union, and a unitive and procreative union can only be found in marriage between a man and a woman. Would I ever support and encourage my homosexual child in a homosexual relationship? Never.

But make sure you understand my point: Sexual activity including, but not limited to sex before marriage, anal, oral, masturbation, contraceptive use, non-procreative sex within marriage [note: by "non-procreative sex within marriage, I'm referring to actions taken by the couple to avoid having children; it does not refer to infertile couples], pornography, etc, etc, is all the same if it's not cooperating with God in bringing about new life. Everyone is called to live a life of chastity, and chastity is so much more than mere abstinence from sex before marriage. It's modestly, humility, obedience, meekness, and so much more. Living a life of chastity means you understand that our sexuality is not for mere pleasure; chastity is to understand that we are sexual creatures, and sex is good. But the purpose of sex is procreation in accordance with God's will.

Now, am I perfect? Absolutely not. I'm the first to admit I'm a sinner, and a sinner in the realm of sexuality to boot. But, I'd also like to think that I'm trying to live a life of goodwill in cooperation with Christ's commandments. That means acknowledging my sins and resolving never more to commit them. Do I stumble? Oh yeah. But I'm doing my best to live a life of chastity because that's God's will.

I want my child(ren) to do the same, regardless of their sexuality.

Call me hateful, spiteful, old-fashioned, stupid, bigoted, or whatever. You'll never be able to call me inconsistent.


*This post was edited from the original comment on facebook to remove names, to correct minor grammatical errors, and to clarify certain points.

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